Imperious Entertainment

Alec Wek, Gabrielle Union, & Kerry Washington

Another local day in Los Angeles, I was at Ralph’s Supermarket in the Ladera Center with my dad and brother. It was 1997; I was 13, in my first year of high school. While waiting for my dad by the exit, this black guy, probably in his mid to late 20’s approached me and said, “Wow, you are beautiful!” I mean you really are…(stumbling for his next words) I mean I’m not usually attracted to dark skinned girls.” (By the way, he was darker than me) HIT THE BRAKES! What did you just say to me? I was so taken aback! Baffled! This was a compliment, no? Do I say thank you? Or do I give him a piece of my mind and school him on his ignorance. I said a very pathetic, “um…thanks,” and just walked away. He was a pedophile anyway for getting at a 13 year old.

Paul Williams

I come from a world where everyday after I was born my father told me that being black was something to be proud of. That I was beautiful and he loved my brown skin. He told my brother and me he loved my mother’s complexion and was happy to know his children would look like her and have her brown skin. (My dad is so dope :)). He didn’t let me play with white Barbie’s and baby dolls when I was a child; not because he wanted me to hate white people, but because he didn’t want me to hate myself. He demanded that I recognize beauty in a doll that looked just like me.

In this day in age we are taught to “assimilate” we’re taught that we are all equal and racism is a thing of the past. What? Racism was just yesterday! My grandparents were alive during segregation! That was just yesterday. The affects of racism, slavery, and segregation are very much alive today. Can you say Jena six? And the worst thing about this black card we were dealt is that we were conditioned to think less of everything associated with blackness. Not only was our land, history, family structure, and respect stolen, but our ability to recognize ourselves as great. If you have no identity, no sense of self, no love for yourself or your race, what do you have? A person who believes the closer you are to white, the more beautiful you are. And you surprise yourself when you find out that there’s a possibility that you could be attracted to someone who GASP! Looks…..LIKE YOU.

My friends and I joke about how other races always feel the need to say things like, “You guys are really pretty black girls. Or, “Tamerri, I saw a pretty black girl today, she reminded me of you!” LOL. I mean come on, the undertone in that statement is “Most blacks that I know of aren’t cute, so I better acknowledge when I see one that is, and this proves that I’m not racist!” Yes! I mean they really, truly, don’t mean anything by it, and don’t know any better, but its borderline offensive. So when I see my own people suffering from this same ignorance, it saddens me.

So to the people who aren’t black who may be reading this and say any of the aforementioned comments, just think twice before you make someone’s beauty contingent on its proximity to whiteness. And to the random black guy at Ralph’s, I hope you have done some soul searching, brotha. I love you regardless, just like I love ALL black people, not just one shade of us….

Comments (12)

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written by Simple Man , September 21, 2007

I agree young lady. A self hating black is just as bad as a racist white in my eyes.
*Mos Def singing*
[Mos] Brown skin lady
[Talib]Yes
[Mos]Where you goin
[Talib]This goes to the brown skin ladies
[Mos]Brown skin lady
[Talib]On the planet Earth today, yes
[Mos]What you doin?
[Mos]Brown skin lady
[Mos]How do you feel?
-Black Star "Brown Skin Lady"

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written by Jackrabbit Jenkins , September 21, 2007

The black tv and film industry needs to read this. While black men can be as purple as Tyrese there is a high yellow standard for black women even if the show/,movie is produced by African-Americans. This shit is ridiculous. A self-hating black is worse than your typical bigot. Word

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written by bridwash , September 21, 2007

I am so happy you wrote this! It is pretty sad that this still goes on today. More people do need to get educated on what beauty is and it has nothing to do with the color of your skin.

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written by Jamaar , September 21, 2007

Wow this blog is very well written!!! I can't believe a black woman wrote this, let alone a dark skin black woman, the world has to be ending soon!!

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written by youwishyouknewwhoiam , September 22, 2007

Shut up Jamaar.

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written by Brená Robinson , September 22, 2007

ok ok. Tamerri we go way back since elementary and your article reminded me just now how enlightened I became because of people like your dad who would always remind us how beautiful it is to be black. Well, I must admit I never forgot how beautiful we are. However, from working for at least 3 years in Beverly Hills, I became adjusted to straightening my hair so much that when I wash my hair, it's texture is straight and I am not happy about this. Recently my guy and I have been focusing on me tough. A few months back I had a breakdown. I cried so hard and screamed, "God what do you have for me? What am I suppose to do?" I brokedown that day not sure if I am suppose to pursue music or film and also because I hated having to think so hard on what to wear before I went to work every morning. I'd look in the mirror and cry because leaving the hood every morning and rushing over to Beverly Hills to be treated like a peasant from my bosses really erked me. My responsibilities became more than being an assistant. It shifted to being everyone's assistant, cleaning the kitchen, ordering supplies, making coffee for everyone, and many other things that had me feeling like a slave. My pay? Same as every other assistant or less? Now, I'm out of work and I don't encourage that because it's definitely a struggle. lol. Well, the great part of now is now I AM LIVING. My hair is out and big everyday; I haven't been wearing any makeup; I haven't been wearing heels to every function I go to or everyday; and when I look in the mirror now - I see a woman who's living and loving herself more and more each day. Yeah, I will admit the respect I get from others is weirded out because "my folks" seem to only know me when I look the way I use to be - so that let's me know more of us (blacks) are and were lost too. I am a living experience that I almost got caught up to hating myself and confused to why I am not able to afford what I want. Now I know many of us have to live and quit doing what we feel OTHERS want us to do and be. Love you Ta TA

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written by tonisha , September 22, 2007

hey TAMERRI...man i have known you and your brother since you all were lil ones at the daycare. LOL remember that hahahaha. I love you so much...you were always like a little sister to me and your father one of the best men that i have been blessed to have in my life. Your writing is amazing and the world needs to read this. I am here in Atlanta now and i hear comments like that all the time. We even have hatred amongst our own with darker skin not liking the lighter shade...SERIOUSLY!!! Keep doing what you are doing.
love you and love the piece.
Tonisha

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written by missphoenix , September 23, 2007

Kudos to you for this article, Tamerri! I read postings on this site regularly, but this is the first one I've been compelled to comment on because it hit so close to home. I grew up in a very suburban area of northern California where I was one of only 5 other black students in my graduating highschool class of 637 people. I used to receive ignorant, back-handed compliments like that virtually on a daily basis from both my black and non-black classmates. I'd hear things like, "Wow, you're really pretty for black girl... Wow, you're black, but you're not ghetto like the rest of them... Wow, your hair is really pretty, is it a weave?..." One person even went so far as to take my hand and turn it over back and forth repeatedly, exclaiming, "Wow, your hand is two different colors! The inside is light but the outside is dark! That's so cool!" I thought that when I graduated highschool and moved to Los Angeles to attend college, things would change. They did, but not nearly as much as I hoped. Just last week, I auditioned to be a member of a singing group, but was not selected. After my audition, the group's manager (a black man, mind you) told me that he loved my voice, but that there were already two other dark-skinned girls in the group, so I couldn't be a member because it would throw off the "look" of the group. Great. It's just sad that in this day and age, people are still using melanin levels to determine beauty. Thank God for people like you and your father, and my parents as well for that matter, who taught me that I was a beautiful woman of valor. We need more enlightened people like this to influence black culture as a whole so that (hopefully) one day, we can stop being so obsessed with these silly color barriers and accept each other as individuals. Let's stop seeing beautiful "black/ dark/ light/ yellow/ what-have-you" people and just see beautiful people. Period.

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written by Dasha Chadwick , September 24, 2007

Yes, I too encounter that same type of undercover racial stereotypes as well...and when I hear that line, "...you're really pretty for a black girl" I am usually very quick to dig deeper and ask why is it that black women have to be assumed to be anything other than what they are- beautiful. What hurts most is that they tend to think that I am extremely superficial and usually stumble further in search of ways to boost up the lack of self esteem with things like, "you're like a exotic black girl....or...i mean your hair is all curly, are you indian (it's a weave, a good one though), in efforts for me to no longer address their ignorance...and these comments do often come from our own black men. I feel that there is something seriously wrong here in LA, as this is the only place that I have experienced such displaced self-hatered and I have been all over the country and to severals other countries. What is it about our environmental dynamic that has created such a conditioning in favor of all things of lighter skin that black women must ever endure those types of akward situations or even feel as if there should be a bit of competition from another women in the eyes of her equal(the black man) based on appearance (color) ? it's 2007!...When is it going to end?

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written by TeishaLRansom , September 26, 2007

Why does it seem as though people are surprised and shocked by this story??? This has been going ever since slavery. Have ya'll watched "Queen" with Halle Berry. That young guy was ignorant. And we all know that boys at that age don't know the difference between left and right. Is it the entertainment buissness? it could be... but we all have choices if you don't like whats going on with it STOP WATCHING. It's simple. Are issue isn't to attack the entertainment business. It' s to empower women on a daily bases. If you have a daughter or a sibling constantly tell her that she is worth it and beautiful give her lessons on how to answer the crtics such as that young man. This complaining is driving me CRAZY. Afican Americans are so quick to complain but are to lazy to do something about it. This is for Dasha... I do live in San Diego and it does seem as though brothas like the light skinned girls. But think about the enviorment Hollywood you have to look this way and talk that way. Its fake!!! it's not you. It's the people who aren't sure of themselves and want to be like everyone else.

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written by uncle jesse , September 27, 2007

i agree with jamaar

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written by Joy , December 28, 2007

Yea have you heard "I don't typically date dark skin women".....yea I've gotten that before, had to cut that one loose

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