Imperious Entertainment

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written by Myrah , October 05, 2007

Drew, I actually agree with you. On everything lol ... I'm surprised lol ... I think I fluctuate between the gardener and the flower... I have also always been told that I should marry a man that loves me more than I love him. From experience they might be right... I think in any marriage one person is always more in love than the other. That is how marriages stay together. If they both fall out of love at the same time the union is probably over because neither will be willing to compromise.

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written by S. Ray Williams , October 05, 2007

My grandmother preached this to me for years. I never quite understood what she meant until now.

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written by Scoop , October 05, 2007

I agree wholeheartedly. However, I think it goes both ways. Sometimes one is more in love, and then it can switch. Either way, the love is still there. No relationship is 50-50...but you should find the one that is 70-30 Emotions, 30-70 Logic, etc. At the end of the day, your tallies should be pretty damn close to 50. As much as someone might love you more, you might need that, because you want to be loved more than they do.

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written by wal_ker05 , October 05, 2007

you Black women need to get smart and quit going for the PREGNANCY HUSTLE. my women get in the pockets (PRE-NUPTIAL AGREEMENT). get it together Black women.
-Justin W. ( This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it )

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written by Kisha , October 05, 2007

haha...i just had this conversation with someone. i'm moreso the gardener. but that's how it's mostly been for me in all of my relationships so i'm ok with it. i know that i can transition into a flower at times...but i like gardening, it's fun LOL

Go Drewsky!

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written by J Jenkins , October 05, 2007

I must say in my last relationship it was sort of 55 - 45 with me being the least interested and dominant partner. I must say it really sux to be the vulnerable one. I mean, for me personally, if things can't be damn near equal or if I can't be the dominant one, I see no reason in continuing the relationship. I might sound like an ass when I say it, but who wants to be dominated? Damn sure ain't me. When I pick up a phone, I expect an answer. When you call me, you HOPE that I answer. Makes life simpler, don'tcha think?

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written by Yvonne B. , October 05, 2007

Goodness, I agree! Women have been telling me this ever since I can remember. I have flip flopped. Don't know . . . life is confusing. When you are the gardener, you want to be the flower b/c this imbalance causes rifts and uncertainty. However, as the flower, you overlook and do not appreciate the work that the gardener puts in and maybe that doesn't make the flower entirely happy and eventually it doesn't make the gardener happy. So what is there to do . . . if this is the LOVE world that we live in, is there a way to minimize the disparity?

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written by ~* Ash *~ , October 05, 2007

I'm a bit unsettled by the gardener/flower metaphor. On one hand, the gardener is putting in all of his effort into cultivating the flower. However, without the gardener, the flower would shrivel up and die. That type of dependency doesn't represent the relationship that I want. Perhaps I hold this view because I'm usually the flower -- less rose, more wildflower. The time and attention is nice, but the flowers with the most strength and beauty are the ones allowed to grow free. I have been the gardener in a few relationships, but I've found it's more effort than it's worth... or maybe I just don't have a green thumb.

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written by Mike Woods , October 05, 2007

Words to live by. It is my sincere opinion that most men don't know what love is, until they have experienced the love of a women. I don't know if its nature or nurture, but I do know some women (not all) embody these sentiments. A great example of this is Denzel Washington's wife Pauletta. She has stood by Denzel's side, through both the good and the bad. I don't doubt Denzel loves his wife dearly, who wouldn't. But I do doubt he could exhibit the love she has shown him ,had the shoe been on the other foot (To be honest a lot of women could not be Pauletta for one reason or another). Irregardless of his admitted mistakes she managed to exhibit a relentless, and unwavering love for him and her family. I think this is advice to live by, personally (especially given the present state of black marriages ending in divorce; something like 55-65%)

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written by Simple Man , October 06, 2007

I agree with Mike Woods. "Whatever happen to stand by your man!"-Martin

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written by kathy , October 06, 2007

Sex & the City couldn't have explained it better. I agree that relationships are never truly fair. One person always contribute more to the relationship than the other. And at often times, this uneven balance can lead to failure. The ideal 50/50 relationship doesn't exist-not if both people are being true to themselves. We are all individuals, thus we can't always agree on everything. However, fair or not, equal or not, there is one thing that can almost always save a relationship: the truth.

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written by just asking , October 07, 2007

isn't all of this based on the presupposition that you are EITHER the flower OR the gardener and that the roles don't shift and change based on the circumstances in which you find yourself? Relationships are organisms by themselves; they require that people shift roles constantly. There are sometimes with parents where the children and the parents reverse roles. There are also times with friends where the "dominant" friend becomes the "submissive" friend. The desire to stay in static roles is the doom of any relationship. Sorry Drew; I can't co-sign this one - especially if you're advocating an argument based on the idea that you are EITHER/OR and not BOTH/AND.

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written by Zakiya , October 07, 2007

My grandmother always said this! I never thought anyone else did....clearly this is a popular theory.

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written by Jessica Brown , October 08, 2007

What do you mean by "dominant force" in the relationship? I need a little clarification.

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written by Kennis The Menace , October 08, 2007

Lmao. I have to admit I am guilty as charged of being about 35-65 in my relationships but never really realized that until I read this. I'm like a part-time, weekend gardner and if my flowers die cause they aren't getting enough water and sunshine I just go to the store and find some more seeds to plant.

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written by AWeez , October 22, 2007

Drew you've done it again! It's definitely a poignant point for those more greatly vested, but true, that in romantic relationships either by way of subconscious action or conscious awareness that one partner ends up loving the other more. Not only have I noticed this dynamic at play in my relationships and others, but my father has also given me similar advice. I can remember distinctly when I had rebounded from taking a fall off the deep end of "love", how my father informed me that I had been on the wrong side. That essentially, I had allowed myself to become to emotionally involved and vested in this woman. His words of advice, in pursuit of a girlfriend or wife, were to find someone that loves you more than you love them.
I think at some point in time you begin to understand that everyone views relationship with the opposite sex through uniquely tented shades. By way of peoples individual experiences (both nuture and nature), we develop certain preconceived notions about the "appropriate dynamics of a healthy relationship." As men it is naturally easier for us to bail out on the short end of the proverbial stick of a 50-50 relationship and allow the woman to take hold of a more dominant percentage of love and responsibility required to maintain and nurture it. I am in agreement with you that relationships are rarely 50-50, but hopefully one day I can be equally yoked and vested.

keep up the great work...

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written by tu , November 16, 2007

my mother has always told me that, and to this day I live by it. I constantly have my guard up and sometimes even mask emotions as to not show all of the feelings I may or may not I have towards a man and honestly it seemed to work,though I've started always being told something else, this time by men "I couldn't do it anymore because I love/liked/cared about you so much more than you do me..." And even if this was their truth, in reality it wasn't always mine.