Imperious Entertainment

What I am about to write might sound like sentimentality or hyperbole or bullshit. But it is the truth. Or at least my truth. If it sounds like any of the aforementioned, please excuse me. Words can only accomplish so much.

First, I hope to teach my daughter that any man who has to be taught how to love her is not worth any serious time. Let me repeat that: Any man who has to be taught how to love her is not worth any serious time. This doesn't mean men don't change and men can't learn. Some can accomplish one or the other. Some can accomplish both. But, she should not have to be her man's teacher or mama or guide. I know women who have to mother their husbands and there are few things less sexy and more burdensome. Some women like it, I suppose, but I don't want my daughter to carry that heavy load.

Second, I'd like to discuss what I think Drew was getting at when he said that women should be worthy of the type of men they desire. This is a very smart point, but I think Drew made it sound like more work than it needs to be. Ladies: the best way to be worthy of the type of man you desire is to be the self you want to be. This doesn't mean pretending that the seemingly ugly parts aren't there if you desire a man who loves you for you. I have known men who are tricked and fooled by women who appear worthy in the most over-used sense of the word. They are polite and calm and careful with their words and looks and dress. And if you are looking to attract some brand of Puritan, I guess these are qualities you should reveal.

But, I want my daughter to be real. I don't want her to think she has to be more polite than she wants to be. I don't want her to think that she has to bite her tongue to seem appropriate. I don't want her to think she needs to abide by certain societal conventions in order to get a "classy" man. (What does that mean anyway? Classy and class seem like two very different concepts to me.) I want her to be true to herself. And if she is true to her favorite self, the self that makes her truly happy, then she is already worthy of the man she really desires. Because the man she really desires will love her for the self she desires to be. I want to write that one more time: the man she really desires will love her for the self she desires to be.

all on their own...

Comments (6)

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written by smokey , August 03, 2007

good very good. and TRUE!!!

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written by grace , August 03, 2007

wise words i will share with my baby boy about how to love himself and others. and it's not too soon for him to hear them because he's already chasing the pretty girls, the hard-to-get girls, and the ones with the best display of feathers. it's like he's the star on animal kingdom!!!

but i'd especially like to second this point: "the man she really desires will love her for the self she desires to be." this, i believe, is the truth in so many ways--not just between men and women looking for each other, but between all the relationships we have that are worth having.

you're a smart lady and a superb mama.

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written by Auntie Coco , August 03, 2007

All I can say is, "True" (catch the double entendre?). It seems like we grown women could all learn a lot from the little babies of the world. . .

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written by Jackrabbit Jenkins , August 03, 2007

"Ladies: the best way to be worthy of the type of man you desire is to be the self you want to be."
Agreed. Yet, it is still unfortunate that men and women have this tendency to portray themselves as something other than they, often at times longer than a year! It's like Chris Rock said... you are only dating that person's "representative" for the first year. Just be yourself people! That's why the divorce rate is so high dammit!

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written by Porcia , August 03, 2007

Those are lessons I wish my mama taught me!! I am in a relationship quite like the one you advise against...

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written by susana , August 03, 2007

I am particularly taken aback by the idea that grown men or women have to be taught how to love. I think it's a sad commentary on the state of parenting skills. Fellow moms (and dads) take notice: teach you child love by loving him or her unconditionally and hopefully they'll make better adults in general.

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